How not to become the next bar patron asshat

If you've ever walked into a bar you know the type of person I'm talking about. The annoying asshat in the bar who makes everyone roll their eyes and gets the worse service possible in the world. The following is to help you make sure you are not that person.



Enter the bar in a normal fashion. Please don't be a diva or a total ass. We don't need an announcement that you've entered. Do not make a huge scene when you enter the premises. Only Norm on Cheers is announced. You are just a regular human patron just like everybody else. Your friends will greet you and if you are a regular, so will the bartender.



Wait your turn at the bar. I can guarantee that the bartender saw you walk up. Do not wave your money or your hands at the bartender like you are trying to shoo away flies...unless you really are trying to. We see you and as soon as we have serviced the people before you, we will get to you. Do not shout your drink order as soon as we look at you. We are just acknowledging that we see you and will be with you shortly. You will know that we are ready for your order when we ask for it. Also along with the first rule, do not shout your order to us when you enter from the other side of the room. Be normal and walk up to the bar like everybody else. We will ignore those who ignore our rules.



When said bartender finally asks for your order...be ready. We are busy and don't have time to wait for your indecisiveness. If you tell us to hold on...we'll tell you to hold on. We'll get back to you when you can finally make up your mind. That said...have ALL drink orders ready when we ask. Don't tell us each drink one at a time unless we tell you too and do not tell us your order only to turn around to your friends and ask what they want. I have other patrons in the bar ready with their order and I'll get to them if you're not ready.



Know what you drink. I'm glad you had a drink you loved on your last trip to Vegas. That bar sounds awesome but unless you know what was in that drink that bartender made you, I cannot duplicate it. I'm not a mind reader and I'm busy. Just because you said it was red and tasted great means nothing to me. Do you even realize how many great tasting red drinks I know? Know your poison! If you don't know whats in your drink you probably shouldn't be drinking it.



Tip, Tip, Tip. And I don't mean tell me to use an umbrella tomorrow. Tips are our wage. We provided a service. You provide the cash.

Don't ask for free shit. I made your drink with the correct amount of alcohol. If you want more, I will be glad to pour another shot but I will charge you for it and don't argue with me about it. I don't make money giving drinks away. That said...I don't care if your buddy gave you a free beer here last night. He's not me and what he does is his business. I have a family to provide for and can't afford to buy you a beer. That's why I'm working. If I didn't need the money, I'd be on the other side of this 3 foot slab of Mahogany with you. The only free thing I'll give you is water and that bowl of peanuts. Enjoy!

Know your limits. I understand you're having a good time but your drunken obnoxiousness is not amusing to me...unless you fall and smash your head into the floor. I'll be laughing my ass off then. And I don't enjoy cleaning your puke. Or waking your passed out ass up at closing time. Or fielding your phone calls about your lost shoe. I don't know where you tossed it. Oh and if you are too blitzed to drive...I will be taking possession of your car keys. You can have them back when you are sober.

I'm sure I'm leaving something out but at least you have an idea. Go to your favorite bar and have fun. Just remember Nobody Likes An Asshat!

Salem Witch Trials

I was checking out my blog today and on the sidebar is A Day In History. I love history so I like to read what it has for the day. Today's was the start of the Salem Witch Trial in the late 1600's.
The Salem witch trials were a series of hearings before local magistrates, and county court trials to prosecute people accused of witchcraft in Essex, Suffolk and Middlesex Counties of colonial Massachusetts, in 1692 and 1693. The hearings in 1692 were conducted in Salem Village, Ipswich, Andover and Salem Town, Massachusetts. The trials in 1692 were all held in Salem Town by the Court of Oyer and Terminer, with the Superior Court of Judicature hearing cases in 1693 in the individual county court seats: Salem Town, Ipswich, Boston, and Charlestown. Between February 1692 and May 1693, over 150 people were arrested and imprisoned, with even more accused who were not formally pursued by the authorities. The two courts convicted 29 people of the capital felony of witchcraft, 19 of whom (fourteen women, five men) were hanged. One other man, having refused to enter a plea, died under judicial torture to extract one from him, and at least five more of the accused died in prison. While not the first or only witch-hunt in New England or Europe, the sensational story of these particular individuals has secured its place in the cultural imagination of the United States of America.
One of Christianity's finer moments?